Terjaga Dalam Sedar

That night was like always. Before ever going to sleep, gotta brush my teeth, clean my face and take the wudhu', ended with reciting al Mulk.
But something have happen.

I was wondering why would I been there if I actually able to further my study overseas? What am I doing here? And there are kak Hanim and kak Yana also, it made me getting more confuse. Whats actually happen to me?

As far as I remember,I have taken the flight from KLIA to Dublin but it doesn’t feel like I’m being in Dublin?

All the circumstances that I haven been through, during my ALevels came across immediately. The faces that been together with me. 

All of it just come in one time! It made me suffocated and breathless.

Even when I woke up and realised that it just a dream, it gave lot of impact towards me. Ya Allah ya Rabbi, did I strive to wrong pathway? Did I forget everything that I have promised to You? Did I become someone that such ungrateful to her Lord?

Astaghfirullah. Moga Allah lindungi hati ini dari kegelapan yang berbentuk keduniaan.

Sinar mentari mula menerangi bilik tapi saya masih kaku dibawah duvet dek kesejukkan musim sejuk di Manchester. Mata sudah pun celik tapi masih enggan bangkit dari kehangatan duvet. Seketika saya bermonolog sendirian.

“ Ya Allah, I’m never have a little doubt in You, in every matter that happen throughout my life, I believe its all happens by the decree from You. And remembering those moments, where I barely able to smile, barely able to woke  up like nowadays, I was so lucky to have You by my side which gave me a new hope everyday, every seconds. I have never stop believing that You are the only one that able to cure my heart that being tear off into pieces. I believe in miracle stuffs do happen because of You, my Lord. But why would I feel these days become so gloomy? Did I become worse than before? Oh Allah, only You’re the right guidance. Show me the right way, give me strength to fight all of these bad things. Give me the strength to wake up and ability to perform ibadah.”

Hakikatnya, iman itu senipis kulit bawang. Mudah sekali terkoyak dan dikoyakkan. Manusia it jua hakikatnya seorang pelupa, sering kali terlupa dalam mengingati pesanan Rasulullah dan ayat-ayat dari Dia. Tapi apabila suatu hari, hari yang indah dirasakan kelam, check balik hati. Mungkin hati sedang sakit, kerana dirasakan jauh dari fitrah asal. Hati itu suci, ibaratnya seperti anak kecil. Apabila dibawa jauh dari ibunya, pasti segera dia menangis. Begitulah hati, apabila jauh dari fitrahnya yang sebenar, pastinya ia menangis.

Wallahualam.