Subhanallah, He still gave me this opportunity for this sharing again. And a bit of reminder, I may shared all these things but it doesn't mean Im well good and capable to be called as ustazah. No! I'm not capable for it. Just as a Muslimah, that dare to have a dream to be a Muslimah Warrior. InsyaAllah.
For the whole this week, truely, I'm toooo tired with these upcoming final exam and results for the last trials. Feeling of emptiness occupied by this tiny heart when I'm not able to give the best results for both of my parents and teachers. Sedih doo. Sampai menangis terseksa dgn diri sendiri. Blaming myself for it. but then terfikir, what's the difference during my school time and this period? Yeah! I'm too focus on the academic till forget all the advice. So bad of me. Nasihat cikgu-cikgu tak melekat dalam kepala. Now currently changing a bit of my lifestyle towards Him insyaAllah.
and the part I won't forget, trying all my effort to wear tudung labuh. sangat selesa. sangat rasa selamat. oh Allah, I wish I will able to istiqamah for it. Perubahan tu tak boleh berlaku secara mendadak, nanti ada yang tersemput jatuh tersungkur mahu balik semula ke jalan yang kurang pasti cerah atau malap atau blackout. Hehehe. InsyaAllah, doakan supaya saya istiqamah untuk ini. Sesungguhnya jalan menuju kecintaan pada Allah itu penuh pacaroba dan dugaan yang mendugakan.
By the way, this post should be my sharing on something yang saya anggap as miracle dalam hidup saya as a Muslim.
Having a non-Muslim friend yang sgt-sgt besar pengetahuannya dalam Islam. malah ada kalanya melebihi diri sy as a Muslim. He's the one of the top student in my college and everyone know him. since dia terkenal dgn pemurahnya dalam senyuman. dan pemurahnya dia dlm membantu kawan-kawan without being racism. Sungguh, dalam seribu even million thousand, I wont able to find friend like him. Subhanallah. sungguh teruja bila berbual dengan dia. :)
Dia pemberi semangat tatkala bersedih dengan results yg teruk,
dengan hadis dan kata-kata hikmah Ulamak Islam,
yg diri sendiri pun tak pernah terbuat.
Dia pemberi kata-kata nasihat tatkala diuji dengan ujian Allah,
dengan lagu-lagu nasyid yang mengingatkan pada Keesaan Allah.
Paling diingati sewaktu arwah ayah meninggal, dia menyampaikan simpatinya melalui lagu ini,
Dia fasih berbahasa Melayu. and he prefer Malay than English in his conversation.
Berhemah.
and there's one evening, while revising Biology, I told him about my marks which lower compared to others.
Then he asked me,
" Berikan tiga nama yg memenangi anugerah Nobel"
" Tak tahu....." wondering
"Tiga nama yang memenangi Golden Awards?"
"Hehehehe, manalah amik tahu pasal ni. Tak tahuu" Geleng-geleng. Okeh, dah start panik.
" Tiga nama artist yang terkenal?"
Global? Sape eh? " Entah. tak tahu. tak berminat nak tahu."
"Tiga lagu yang paling terkenal"
"Tak tahuuuuuuuu" this isssssss general knowledge yg mmg tak akn diambil tahu.
"Tiga orang yang menjaga Nazu?"
"my parentss...umi abahh...."tak sempat habis jawab.
"Tiga orang yang bantu Nazu?"
"Banyak. bukan tiga."
"Boleh namakan every single of them?"
"Banyak but I still remember all of them."
Dia diam. memberi ruang untuk saya digest what he just asked me.
Ya Allah, kalau la manusia yang bertanya ni generasi XX, dah lama saya peluk. Subhanallah.
" Tiada guna menjadi yang pertama di dunia or pertama in anything. better being someone yang orang akan ingat kita. For example, jadi seorang kawan yang diingati kerana selalu membantu kita. and I prefer being someone like that than being the first for anything. instead of being kiasu seorang diri, lebih baik kita tarik kawan kita and struggle together." Sumpah nak nangis masa ni.
"and I choose to have a knowledge and able to help others than being the first yang tak bawa manfaat kat sesiapa."
Ya Allah, 'malaikat' yang Kau utuskan ini, kurniakanlah dia kekuatan dalam menghadapi ujian hidup dia. Berilah dia kejayaan di dunia mahupun akhirat.
and he even said this to me,
"berusaha untuk mengejar akhirat Nazu!"
and I said, "Somehow, I feel like being too astray from Him"
"then, come back to Him. Akhirat itu lagi penting dari dunia."
Cryinggggggggggggggggggggg overload.
He the one yang explain the basic of Buddhism even I could said I do a bit understand about it.
Sekian perkongsian utk hari ni, nak sambung menangis sbb rasa terharu,gembira.
p/s: by the way, ramai boys pakai baju Melayu hari ni. Almaklumlah hari Jumaat. melting lagi. bertambah melting bila tgok kopiah atas kepala. Sesak nafas sambil berdiri la jawabnya.(simpton when u've a few Muslims arround u)
Jazakallah. :)
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