Kecelaruan Diri

Bismillahirahmanirahim.

Assalamualaikum, regards to all. may Allah bless in every of your steps. May Allah shield all of you from His punishment for hereafter life. May Allah bless us in every moments we spend on His world.
InsyaAllah.
InsyaAllah.

"Allah guides therewith him who followed His pleasure into the ways of peace and carries them to light from thedarkness by His Command and shows them right path." [05;16]

or in Malay

" Dengan kitab itulah Allah memberi petunjuk kepada orang yang mengikuti keredhaan-Nya ke jalan keselamatan, dan (dengan kitab itu pula) Allah mengeluarkan orang itu dari gelap gelita kepada cahaya dengan izin-Nya, dan menunjukkan jalan yang lurus." [05;16]

Kadangkala, ada jugak tetiba teringat zaman 'jahiliyyah' dahulu kala. Ya Allah, if I saw a little girl like how Iam a few years back, I feel so sorry for her. cause I have been like that before, so I know the real reasons why she being like that.

And verily there's a verse saying that Allah wouldnt test us for something that we couldn't overcome. Death of my little brother really taught me about His love towards His servants. Subhanallah. Tiada cinta yang dapat dibandingkan dengan cinta pencipta dengan hamba-Nya. seriously, I was really thankful for that. For Him gave me a change to see this world on other side of thinking. and there's one scene in Islamic drama about a man who astray from Allah and Islam, losing his baby cried regretting on what had happened. and there's an Iman, walked towards him and asked him on reasons of his tears.

and I still remember what that Iman told him, " you may left Allah and Islam but Allah and Islam never leave you my son." Ya Allah, walaupun jauh tersasar dari jalan yang sebenar, memang sukar nak kelaskan sampai dosa tahap teguk arak, clubbing bagai, but still, Allah waiting, never thought of leaving us alone fighting the crime of sins. Still willing to accept our repent. see, how much Allah love us? too much. till there's nothing could be compared with it.
and one of hadith that made me cry,
" Sesiapa yang menghampiri-Ku sejengkal, Aku akan menghampirinya sehasta. Sesiapa yang menghampiri-Ku sehasta, Aku akan menghampirinya sedepa. Sesiapa yang datang kepada-Ku berjalan, Aku akan datang kepadanya berlari." [Hadith Qudsi]

ya Allah, betapa indahnya Diri-Mu.

The sweetness of given His hidayah, subhanallah, nothing can replace it. not even Cadbury Hazelnut Praline. no. NOTHING. I missed it so much. I miss the calm and peaceful feelings given by Him when I hold my death body of little brother. Its so hard to smile in front of public while your heart cried like a hell. Its hard when you have to pretend nothing happens in front of your friends. especially when you wanna cry and scream to tell them how suffer you're. but having Allah as listener is already enough. and He gave the most precious things. I'm able to meet my little brother in my dreams. well, people will found it hard to be believed. but I believe, that's a gift from Allah, to heal my broken heart.

and that time, I was pretty sure, I won't able to stand like nothing happen without His help. Syukran Ya Allah. That's actually trning point of mylife. even masa tu dah pegang tittle senior BADAR yang paling garang and 'berjuruhhh', still, Im in my 'weirdo' ways. but after that turning point, from tudung yang jarang-jarang bertindak as penutup aurat, I wear it all the times. From hari-hari pekakkan telinga dengan lagu-lagu entah apa-apa from West and Korea, bertukar sikitttt. masuk nasyid dalam list player.

But now, bila dengar lagu from West, I dunno why. but I feel like empty. tak tersentuh di hujung jiwa pun lagu nie. T_T. tapi still lagi dengar kadang-kadang. sebagai halwa telinga mungkin. tapii tak sekerap dulu.

Mungkin ini yang Allah katakan hidayah? mungkin ini turning point yang harus saya ikut. mungkin ini turning point untuk saya benar-benar menjadi Muslimah Warrior untuk agama saya.
To be anak yang solehah to both of my parents
To be good role model for my brothers
To be a good doctor, insyaAllah
To be a faithful futurewife
To be a great mother to Khalifah of Islam

InsyaAllah.
So, everyone. Never scare to take a step ahead. you guys might say,
" Let's just stay the way I am."
" My family is not that like of Baitul Muslim. We just practice the basic things."
" I don't think its suits me."
" Wellll.....its not that easy to istiqamah for all the things you know."

If you guys keep saying those words. Then your prayers, your ibadah means nothing. and who knows, if we ever dare to change, we could be a mother of a khalifah? that opens the doors of Jannah for us?
and who knows if we're changing, we could be one of His servants being in Jannatul-Firdaus? Together with Prophet Muhammad SAW (PBUH) . Its sound interesting right?

if you said being with your boyfriends is the most lovely moment then think of it again. Moments when you could meet Him, the al-Mighty is most lovely if you're purely Mukminin.

Sekian sahaja. Regards. ;)