Ramadhan 2010.
Memori yang selama tak akan hilang hatta ke hujung nyawa sekalipun.
10 terakhir Ramadhan yang terisi dengan menjaga Mummy di hospital, yakni turning point terbesar dalam hidup seorang insan bernama Nazual. *
It was then, the exact moment Allah sparks passion into my heart, to finally be open and curious enough to be in medical field thus pursuing the new passion till today. Was it sad? Definitely at first, I think that was my first time seeing Mummy crying and sad. Sampai ke bila-bila ingat saat tu, susah betul kalau sejenis photographic memories.
Ironicnya, Allah takdirkan jua diri ini incharge ward gynae dua minggu sebelum Raya. Every moment in the ward, memori tu berputar-putar. Especially bila jaga ibu-ibu terpilih, amanah untuk menjaga keadaan mereka bukan sekadar sakit dan pendarahan tapi termasuk jua emosi yang terusik.
Kadang-kadang bila ibu atau akak misi datang bagitahu, ada patient passing out POC, terus terusik di hati. Sambil-sambil keluarkan POC, sambil-sambil berdoa meskipun hati terasa dicarik-carik. Laju je nak masuk toilet lepas tu. Kalau assist OT, mesti terkeluar juga keluhan sakit padahal takde kaitan pun dengan diri sendiri.
Untuk ibu-ibu terpilih termasuk diri sendiri;
Suka untuk saya re-share tulisan Dr Mohamad Ali Al Hashimi dalam karyanya; The Ideal Muslimah.
One of the most prominent distinguishing features of the Muslim woman is her deep faith in Allah
(SWT), and her sincere conviction that whatever happens in this universe, and whatever fate
befalls human beings, only happens through the will and decree of Allah (SWT); whatever befalls a
person could not have been avoided, and whatever does not happen to a person could not have
been made to happen. A person has no choice in this life but to strive towards the right path and to
do good deeds - acts of worship and other acts - by whatever means one can, putting all his trust
in Allah (SWT), submitting to His will, and believing that he is always in need of Allah's (SWT) help
and support.
Hikmah yang saya dapat sewaktu second trimester miscarriage Mummy adalah passion untuk belajar dan mengejar kerjaya dalam perubatan, Alhamdulillah. It does change me entirely despite taking super long period to finally reach that point.
Kerana setiap saat dan ketika dalam hidup ini, hanyalah dengan takdir Allah.
Yang ternoktah di langit, tak termampu dipadam di muka bumi fana. Dan semoga setiap kehilangan kalian, tersingkap hikmah yang jauh lebih manis dari kepahitan realiti. Just trust Him, the alMighty.
Dan semoga seorang Nazual juga terus kuat. Mama is sorry for failing you baby sayang. Let's meet in Jannah shall we baby? Ayuh terus mencari hikmah di sebalik kehilangan sementara ini.
* just a year after it, my parents divorce and subsequently my lovely Ayah (grandpa) passed away, it was totally devastating moments for me as each of it chained and linked to each other. Semoga Allah terus kuatkan diri like before. Amin <3
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